I've been a bit of a slacker and I'm sorry. I have these two chappies to post now, hopefully another before the end of my day. Enjoy, I hope.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Timeline: Spike and Buffy are living together in Rome, Spike having ditched L.A. as soon as he emerged corporeal from the big, sparkly gew-gaw.
Summary: Big scary baby!fic, be warned.
Warnings: See summary.
A/N:Thanks to the incomparable beanbeans for much appreciated encouragement and now betaing! I started a fic of the same title and have rather expanded on it. My apologies to folks who have seen bits and chunks of it before.
William felt a sensation of warm wetness on his leg.  He glanced down with a raised eyebrow.  The baby grinned up at him around its fist.
"And then, the hordes of barbarian horsemen parted and our hero was aghast to see--Joseph the Barbarian King!"
His audience giggled.  "Baby Joey’s the Barbarian King!" one said.
"The Barbarian King was mounted on a great, black, horse and was fearsome in form and countenance.  He had a great, stout, body, with everywhere rolls of fat from his infamous gluttony.  He had a great, bald, head, which was painted with strange, pagan markings.  Drool ran down his chin and matted the furs he wore, for within his twisted snarl could be seen only four teeth."
"Joey has four teeth," someone whispered.
"Nevertheless!" William held up his free hand, fingers curled into fangs.  "The teeth looked very sharp indeed, and many of his enemies, were they still alive, could attest that this was true."  He struck out toward the circle of avid children, opening and closing his fingers, and the younger ones sprang back, shrieking in delight.
"Now, our hero was frightened, but he did not falter.  He knew he was the only hope of rescue for—"
The door opened behind him and he heard his eldest sister's amused voice. "If these good lords and ladies can spare you, William, there are some late arrivals that I would like to introduce you to."
William hesitated for a moment, then he pushed his spectacles up the narrow bridge of his nose with one finger, and smiled at his audience.  "This story's over for now," he said gently.  "Duty calls and we all know our hero never shirks."
He rose from his seat on the rug and the baby's nurse stepped forward, smiling, to take charge of him.  She looked round the children still seated on the floor. "Bid your Uncle William good night, and thank him for telling you stories."
He nodded and smiled at the ragged chorus of 'good night's and 'thank you's as he followed Charlotte into the hall.
"Tell me brother, how are we to get you married off if you're always hidden away in the nursery?" she said, after shutting the door.  She looped an arm through his and led him down the hall.  "If you married, you might have children of your own."  She made a thoughtful moue.  "That would be a disaster, you would spoil them frightfully."
He smiled down at her.  "You may tell Mama, and the rest of my plague of sisters with no worthier occupation, that I am quite resigned to being the dotty old bachelor uncle.  So, who are these latecomers that you simply must introduce them to your poor relation?"
Charlotte brightened and for once ignored his remark about poor relations.  "A brother and sister, just recently come to London from the most wonderful travels.  I might not have bothered you, but the brother is not a sportsman, and I despaired of him finding anyone else here who shares his interests."  Charlotte glanced up at him.  "The sister, a Miss Addams, is very lovely.  Gentlemen seem to find her quite captivating.  Perhaps she will be the one to turn you from this course you've set for yourself."  She linked her arm more closely through his, and quickened her pace a little.  "Dotty old uncle indeed."